Have you ever wondered what a life coach actually does?

Those are only some of the questions received since I started as a life coach in 2016. And I get it! Since “coach” isn’t a protected term, you will find the term thrown around like confetti. A quick job-search will reveal results ranging from agile coach to team coach. There are sleep coaches and budget coaches, and even bicycle coaches (can you tell that I live in The Netherlands?;) So let’s start at the beginning. What exactly is life coaching?

Let’s Define Life Coaching…

The International Coaching Federation (ICF) states the following on their website: “ICF defines coaching as partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential”.

I love this definition, but it might feel a little vague if you have never had a coaching session. So let’s start with the most simple definition from a book on coaching by Gary R. Collins. He begins explaining how the term ‘coach’ used to refer to a vehicle, such as a horse carriage and later a bus, that brings people from where they are to where they want to be. A sports coach does the same for athletes. A business coach for business owners. Consequently, a life coach brings you from where you are in life, to where you want to be. In other words, supporting you to reach your goals and dreams, one step at a time.

This is also the difference with therapy or counseling. An experienced coach, with whom I once had a mentoring conversation, taught me a valuable clarification: A therapist usually brings people from -1 to 0, whereas a coach brings people from 0 to +1. #Truthbomb

Why Not Simply Talk to a Friend or Family Member?

In 2017, I was at the Indonesian embassy to arrange a special visa for my upcoming first Bali trip. The sweet Indonesian lady behind the counter asked me all kinds of questions so that she could fill in her form. When it came to my profession, she looked genuinely puzzled. “What does a ‘life coach’ do?”

I tried to keep the explanation quick and general, saying that a life coach supports people in moving forward towards their life goals, overcoming obstacles or problems they may have. She looked at me with question-mark eyes, “what kind of problems do you mean?”. “Well, basically anything-from problems in their relationship or friendships, to their career or self-esteem”. She really did her best to understand as she innocently replied: “but isn’t that what friends and family are for?” I smiled, seeing the pure curiosity in her eyes, and could only answer: “yes, you are completely right. That’s ideally what friends and family are for”.

There was nothing else I could say. Not just because there was a waiting room of impatient people behind me, but also because I understood. In her culture, and many others, including our own in the past, we would have friends, family, or even elders to discuss our problems with. I wish these support structures still existed in our slightly, or strongly, individualistic societies. Of course, for many people and in many places, these structures still exist, and that is beautiful.

But well. Especially in the Western world, many of us have busy work, social and/ or family lives.

We are tight on time, and our conversations reflect this. I still remember how surprised I was upon coming back to The Netherlands in 2012, after I had lived abroad in different countries for ten years, when a new friend first needed to check her calendar for our coffee date. She had space… two months from that day! I know this isn’t the norm, and thankfully many of us do have friendships and/ or family relationships where we can show up fully as ourselves and feel heard and seen. These relationships truly are a blessing to treasure.

And still, when we struggle with something deeper, it can help to talk to an outsider who is less emotionally involved. It helps to voice thoughts, explore emotions and uncover dreams that we wouldn’t usually share openly. It helps to have a ‘safe space’ where we are not judged or advised, but simply seen and heard, and sometimes mirrored.

This is what a life coach aims to provide.

For obvious reasons, I did not express all this to the poor visa lady. We somehow silently agreed that it was okay this way. She had proceeded to the next point, and I had soon received my visa that allowed me to have an amazing time in Bali.

Does a Coach Simply Give Good Advice, Like a Consultant?

This is one more common question, or misperception, that I need to address: the idea that a coach gives (life) advice. It makes sense. A lot of business coaches, for instance, offer step-by-step programs or structures for success, based on their own experience. They teach.

Life coaches are not teachers. As opposed to business growth, personal growth works best when you find and follow your own insights, based on your own experience, personality, and answers to the reflection questions that you are asked by a life coach. Let me bring up a Bible verse that fits really well:

“Though good advice lies deep within the heart, a person with understanding will draw it out.” (Proverbs 20:5). 

As life coaches, we believe that each person has this ‘good advice‘ hidden deep within their heart, but is not always able to draw it out. This could be because of stress or strong emotions, fear or anxiety, that can cloud a clear perception. In a coaching context, you could refer to ‘understanding‘ as ‘compassionate attention’, with which a coach attunes to their coachee. A coach then asks insightful, oftentimes intuitive questions that help coachees access, as well as act on, their own insights. Phew, that was a long way to simply say:

A coach helps you draw wisdom from (the well within) yourself.

The reason that this is more effective, empowering and sustainable than simply telling you what to do, is that your own insights usually hit home deeper and last longer than someone else’s advice, no matter how well-meant.  It’s also the hard part of actually being a life coach, but that’s another story. In the end, uncovering truth brings you beyond behavioral change to transformation.

What Are Your Questions Regarding Life Coaching?

So yes, my hope is to have provided a fresh perspective with these reflections on what life coaching is, and now I would love to hear from you!

Did this answer any questions you may have had? Did it raise new ones? Do you have more questions about life coaching? I would love to hear from you in the comments or via a message. If there are enough questions, I will write another blog article.

For now, wishing you a wise and wonderful rest of your day!