Life happens, time flies,, circumstances change…
In the hectic of our daily lives or after a hard phase, we can find ourselves having drifted off, in a different spot than we had hoped to be. Missing the dreams we once had, the energy to go for them, the excitement, or all of it.
If this is you right now, no worries. It happens to the best of us, and there is always a way back.
Seasons change, not just in nature
You may have given years to an endeavor, be it your business or your career, starting a family or traveling the world. You invested time, love, energy. It was good… while it lasted. But seasons change, in life as in nature.
For different reasons, we may overstay or get stuck in a season. You notice it in the tiniest things. You haven’t sensed that spark lately, you wake up a tad more tired or snap a little sooner, worries and anxiety increase, confidence and clarity decrease. One small sigh at a time.
Until you wake up one morning and wonder, “where am I?”, ” how did I get here?” or even: “who am I”? Then quickly make yourself a strong cup of coffee because these are no small questions to wake up with 😉
Now let’s get to the good part
A small comfort in losing ourselves is that we almost always… come back better! We grow in love, wisdom, insight, courage, and compassion. In hindsight, it’s often the hard parts in life that make us grow. It can take friction to find ourselves again and anew. Do you recognize this in your life?
Personally, I’ve experienced this several times throughout my life. For instance in 2012, I burned out from working as a marketing manager at an AI start-up which was increasingly violating my values. This burn-out propelled me into the pursuit of many of my meanwhile dusty dreams. I started a social media marketing business, hosted inspiration circles, completed a life coaching education and traveled a lot.
In 2018, I felt a little lost and empty even though I thought I was living my dreams in Bali. This led to the life-changing experience of finding Christian faith.
Finding ourselves again, one puzzle piece at a time
When you look back at your life, do you recognize those signs of slowly, or quickly, losing yourself? Do you realize the lessons this taught you? Do you remember who or what brought you back?
A helpful perspective is comparing this phase to a puzzle. We may not have found all the pieces of our purpose or ourselves yet, but each piece we do uncover, brings us closer to wholeness.
We just need to find the first one, and build momentum from there.
Some of those puzzle pieces could be:
Rest: “If you get tired, learn to rest, not to quit” -Banksy
Prayer: Whether faith is a puzzle piece or a foundation, praying brings peace in the process. What gives you peace?
Passion: What ignites a spark in your heart? Even if just a little, it will add up
Patience: Not my personal favorite and perhaps not yours either, but indeed, sometimes good things simply take time
Emotions: Feeling is healing. Taking time to acknowledge, accept and be present with what’s going on inside brings so much calm… eventually
Glimmers: Taking moments throughout the day to simply savor and collect the little things that bring you joy
Connection: Sharing what’s on your mind or heart with a friend, coach, or therapist can ignite insights
Perspective: Reframing the situation. Perhaps seeing this emptiness as a blank canvas, a chance to create something new
It doesn’t matter where you start. Just finding one fitting puzzle piece might be the start or a part of the lifeline that brings you back to yourself.
Which one would you choose? What would you add?
I would love to hear from you in the comments if you have every lost yourself in life, and who or what helped you find yourself again.
As usual, my inner life coach couldn’t resist adding some self-coaching / reflection questions for you to dive deeper,. You can either journal them or discuss them with someone you trust. I hope you enjoy!
Reflection Questions
1. Your Values
When choosing how to fill our lives, we need to be clear on our values, which I would for now define simply as who and what we love most.
On the left side of a column, you can write down those values, and on the right side, fill in how you are spending most of your time.
The next step is to slowly but surely start eliminating the things that take you away from who and what you value most.
2. (Re)Discover Your Dreams
There may be dreams hidden deep within your heart that became buried underneath the daily to-dos and responsibilities.
How about writing down your dream in only one sentence, or making it visual with a mood board, whether on Pinterest or on paper?
Next, you could share it with someone you trust, a therapist or a coach, a good friend or a family member.
Finally, make a simple plan. Think of the tiniest steps you could take, and start walking your way back (or better, forward!) to the self you were created to be.
3. “Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?”
Do you remember the qualities you had as a child? Were you an explorer or entertainer, a dreamer or leader? Which activities used to bring you back to yourself? Dancing, painting, playing an instrument, reading? How would your close friends and family members describe you? You could even ask them.
Then, by means of journaling or by sharing with someone you trust, you can start extracting those qualities that make you, you.
Finish it off by asking yourself how you can integrate more of these qualities into your life.
You are always welcome for a free clarity call or full session with me, if you would like some extra support with organizing your puzzle pieces.
Wishing you a pieces-put-together rest of your day!
